Calling All Influencers

In the past and always never, sponsorship deals have simply not worked* for Misfit Psycles.

*Not Worked – perhaps in a traditional (brand recognition) sense, but never in a clearly quantifiable (sales) sense. 

On occasion, it was because we selected the wrong candidate*, probably because they asked us to and we hoped somehow someway something might stick.

*Wrong Candidate – no fault of their own, any racer, rider or person with actual aspirations (while noble, admirable and the lot) not in-line with our less aspired intentions…specifically, not giving a fuck about winning.

These statements and the following program should not reflect ill on any of the persons with whom we have ‘partnered’ in the past (recent or otherwise).
We fully acknowledge that in ALL cases, they did exactly what they said they were going to do, race, sometimes win.

More often, we (Misfit Psycles) simply lacked the infrastructure (and funds and connections and knowhow and desire) to appropriately support (read: exploit) anything beyond our own simple survival.
As such, even the more better partnerships (Dicky par example), were not realized to their fullester potentials.

For 2013, Misfit Psycles is seeking INFLUENCERS.

Ambassadors of the Misfit Psycles brand.
Cheerleaders, persons interested in promoting the products they (genuinely) love (or make sweet love to).

Before we explore the simple specifics of the Influencer Initiative let’s be clear;

  • this program is not for riders seeking (more) traditional sponsorship…we want persons who love the brand, not the budget
  • this program will not provide free product or cash in advance for expenses…we want actual customers, not sales models
  • this program is not designed to attract, nor is it limited to, riders with a Race Resume…we want persons of influence, not (just) fast riders
  • this program is exclusively available to Misfit Psycles customers…we don’t sell what we don’t ride, neither should you
  • this program is not intended for profit (though it might just be)…we want you to ‘work off’ or ‘towards’ the products you want…it is not supposed to be your ‘job’


Misfit Psycles Influencing Is Good
What you will do:

  1. If you do not already own/ride a (current generation) Misfit, you will purchase one.
  2. You will continue to do what you love to do, riding what you love to ride.
  3. While you are doing that thing that you love to do, you might as well tell the whole wide world why you love what it is you ride.  Not (just) for personal gain, because you want them to enjoy the same love(s) that you love.
  4. By way of your continued generosity, you will provide your influencies with a (pre-generated, you specific) coupon code.  This code will be made for use at PsycleStore where they will enjoy 5% off their entire purchase, thanks to you.
  5. You will provide your brand of influence in whatever manner you so choose in any frequency that works for you.
  6. You will continue to do what you love to do and so on, so forth until you can no longer do what you love to do.

Misfit Psycles Influencing Pays
What we will do:

  1. We will sell you the products you want (and don’t have) at 25% off SRP.
  2. We will generate a (you) specific coupon code for you to offer to your influencies.
  3. In addition to the digital code, we will supply you with physical cards, stating OFFICIALLY your status a Psycle Influencer ad Nauseam and include (on it) your coupon code.
  4. We will track all purchases made at PsycleStore using this (your) coupon code.
  5. We will PAY YOU 10% of these purchases (not including taxes or shipping) 30 days after purchase (to allow for returns or other issues).
  6. We will NOT LIMIT (or conversely, guarantee) the amount of return earned through this initiative.
  7. We will assist your efforts in any sensible way…provided it does not include an outlay of (fiscal) resources.

Assuming by now that three quarters of the initial audience has been lost, the program is clearly and dearly focused on persons, not racers, on influencers, not ‘winners’, on riders, not podiums.

An influence program for the people.

If this program attracts nawt in terms of interest, it will STILL perform better than any ‘Sponsorship’ package we can possibly offer.

Details on HOW TO APPLY, soon.


Momentum Building

The Breck Epic is less than a ways away.

Riding, to some extent, has been done.

And it’s worthy of note as well, I’ve enjoyed it.


Effectively, however, what’s done is done.
As it pertains to preparation.

For me, travel takes over come this July.
So, what’s left (pre-Epic) will and shall be considered TAPER*.

* Look it up, all the pro’s do it.

It shall be a great and wondrous taper.
A taper of intense ceasing and powerful preparing.

Eat up, it's near race time

The thoughts on my particular taper being;

Food is energy.
Energy is power.
Power is performance.
Performance is winning.


Not winning is un-used performance.
Un-used performance is reserve power.
Reserve power is stored energy.
Stored energy is accumulated food.

Accumulated food (occasionally) appears on the human body as fat.

If fat is accumulated food…
And accumulated food is stored energy…
And stored energy is reserve power…
And reserve power is un-used performance…
And un-used performance is winning, un-realized…

Fat is un-realized winning.

A quitter or small boned man or a small boned man quitter may and well stop right there.

Winning was so 2010.

Breck Epic 2010 Final Standings Single Speed

In 2012 only MORE winning will do.

MORE winning?

MORE winning requires MORE un-used performance.
MORE un-used performance requires MORE reserve power.
MORE reserve power requires MORE stored energy.
MORE stored energy requires MORE accumulated food.
MORE accumulated food requires…
MORE fat!

MORE fat is the key to MORE winning.

The fact that I am being whisked away for the most of July is quite probably the BEST thing I can do to prepare for the Breck Epic.

If you’re following this brand of logic, the fatter I am come August 12, the more winning there will undoubtedly be.

Winning is what we winners do.

In the least, this newfound mass (excess reserved winning power potential) should propel me to even more deathly speeds on the descents of Breckenridge.

Speeds (ideally those not surprisingly corrected by hinderances) that should produce all the momentum necessary to move me from buffet to bar with the greatest of ease.

And that.
Is winning.


24 and Counting

Last minute preparations near one of two terminations.

  • Completion.
  • Complete abandonment.

From the completed files.
Anti-Prizes have been purchased and are now fully allocated.

Some new, some olde categories:

  • ANTI-WINNER.  The person who most and best exemplifies anything and everything losers hate about winners.
  • ANTI-LOSER.  This person clearly is mostly and totally oblivious to the fact that the Anti-Race is/does/has ever in fact happen(ed).
  • LAPDOG CALLOUT.  A personal and hateful challenge issued by The LapDogs Racing Team for the following season.  Essentially it’s a personal vendetta issued on behalf of one LittleDog by this unwitting third party in public stadium in exchange for prize funding.
  • MOST ANNOYING (Mechanical, Face, Whatever).  When you participate in a circle jerk of 5 or more, there is always some tool with equipment and personal issues.
  • PSYCLE YARDSALE.  Indubitably there will be someone who comes to a glorious full stop through the hefty application of friction on flesh.  By fate or fault.
  • MOST MOTHERLY FUCKER.  Briefly named the KINDEST ACT…the name was forcibly changed to more appropriately reflect the day.
  • PSYCLE EMBASTARD.  Shittiest bike.  Not necessarily in terms of general crappiness but as blindly judged by mine own FRANKEN-BELT-BIKE in terms of personal offence.

From the completely abandoned files.
Plates have not been completed.
Or even started.

As a general and partial reminder.  POSTERS.
DelStalk 2011 special’ed posters are in very VERY Limited form this year.
Free only goes so far.

If you NEED to have one.  Buy One.
Many or a few were signed by DEL himself.
If you aren’t too concerned.  Fuck You.

Enjoy Friday.

Things to Do Before Lunch

This one time.
Someone wearing a shirt, waggling a finger in front of an intentionally stern face, declared;

“They have breakfast in the morning too”

The alarm went off.
At 06:45.

I didn’t particularly believe it.
Not the alarm.
I had set the alarm.
It’s intrusion was intentional.
I didn’t believe that morning could in fact offer a one of the benefits of ANYTHING thereafter.
The morning.

More importantly, I didn’t see any reason to find the fuck out.

There was breakfast.
There was also more DARK and a lot more COLD.
The thought that a self produced commodity such as breakfast could be a motivator to participate in ANYTHING as ridiculous as MORNING…was…not worth getting up to validate.

Also true, people wearing shirts will get excited about most anything.

Speaking of winners.

The Rate Misfit Psycles and Psycle Store to win contest closed Friday last.

There were many more (entrants, winners) than my ego’s wallet had anticipated.

That said.

If you STILL subscribe to the NEWSLETTER, then you not only know WHO won the (now siamese) Grande Champion Prize(s) of 50$/ea…but…also who won the TWENTY THREE particpant-type Non-Champion Prize(s) of 25$/ea.

675$ of FREEDOM offered unto the masses.
Misfit Philanthropists. 

You also know that there is FREE SHIPPING at PSYCLESTORE on (applicable) orders of 351 or more.  ENDS Friday October 21 at 23:59:59.

Good Tuesday.

Ship Shape

Broke and broken is not the place for me.

I’ve tried both, together, individually, individually together.
I’ve done this on occasion as well as on numerous occasions.
Like failure and amphetamines, these are experiences every soul should sample.

Only then, face down in your proverbial ditch, might you fully understand.
Neither offers the romance and freedom we are entitled to assume in the complacency that causes them.
That was my story.

No.  Broke and broken are not for me.
Nor should they be for you.
Unless.  There is some manner under which I may benefit from your plight as many have benefited from mine.
Martyrdom is a coming rage I assure you.

The impetus for mine will not be financial ruin, deportation, starvation or even vain self reflection.
I can always get more credit, marry an alien chef and I needn’t worry about climbing and writhing upon myself.
These are all someone else’s issue.

It shall be my inevitable triumph over, THE BRECK EPIC.

It is true.  I have yet to climb back aboard a bike.
Also true.  I have a mere 30 days to prepare.
Worried I am not.
I have a gym.
I have a heavy bag.
I have miles and miles of roads to run away from.

Critics be damned.

Even my most limited efforts were good enough to DEFEAT DICKY.
Complete with a broken hip.

The plan is simple:

Weight reduction.

I blame my February trip to LA and the Manhattan Beach diet I was force fed.  All taste aside, it worked.  My appetite was crushed.
I will attempt to eat a compendium of the gross and green in lieu of consuming quantities of anything more normal.  And tasty.

Aesthetic appeal.

Part in parcel with being broke (that is, veraciously poor) is a requirement to either; live cloth-less OR shop at Winners.
This is the size 32 rack.  Bolton location.  Golf trousers, designer jeans, zipper pants and frills.
If I’m not wearing one of these (shouting profanity at the masses) in Breckenridge, I will have failed.

Thinking ahead.

One benefit of my aforementioned fiscal state is that I can no longer procure sausage cart lunches and dial-up dinners.
For now, the children will be sent away hungry while I consume their shares.
Only and all in the name of progress of course.


The truth about living without is equally as harsh as it is constructive.
No more pedalling in the cold confines of a basement.
No more hours straining towards a white wall.
All rides, every ride that isn’t outside, will be done to bursts of visual garbage.

Then you’ll see.
Then you’ll all see.

And it will be awesome.
If not something more.